When children use words like “always” or “everyone,” or “never” and “nobody,” that’s a telltale sign that they are in a rigid pattern of thinking. Black and white, if you will. For example, “Everyone gets to read what they want, but I don’t!” How can we best react in those moments to move children from rigidity towards flexibility without compromising expectations, or “giving in”?
- Approach the comments as though they are conversational not confrontational.- Even though the tone of the child may be upset, even accusatory, view it as a conversation starter and respond with number 2.
- Show up with curiosity. – “How often do you feel this way? Who do you think has all these books? Which book do you want?”
- Once the child is engaging with curiosity, bring evidence of reality.- Open children’s brains/eyes to the reality so they can change their minds from a rigid stance to a more flexible one. Example, “look around the room- does everyone really have the book they want?”
Lastly: Reframe– “Sometimes you can’t have what you want and sometimes you can, let’s talk about when you can…”
GENTLE ASPECT: Allowing children to ask for what they want, with the tools available to them.
Leave a comment